Biohacking our Emotions

A few months ago, my father was diagnosed with stage four kidney cancer. He’s never had a drink or smoked a cigarette in his whole life. He doesn’t eat junk food or red meat. He doesn’t have a history of cancer in his family, my grandparents both died of old age. So how can this be?

After his diagnosis I decided to look for answers in German New Medicine. In case you don’t know, German New Medicine (GNM) is a framework which links specific physical diseases to emotional conflicts. It suggests that illness is the body’s biological response to unresolved trauma or shock.

When I investigated the trauma associated with kidney cancer, what I got blew me away. The term used in GNM is known as a “refugee conflict” meaning a trauma in which the interpretation is that you’ve lost everything. There is no solid ground under you, and your safety and home have been threatened.

This was no surprise to me since my parents divorced when I was in my early teens, thus beginning a brutal 5-year court battle. My father tried desperately to hold onto us, but because we had been primarily raised by my mother, we all preferred her. This further fueled his despair, and he was able to convince a judge that we had been brainwashed. Eventually my father got full custody of my brothers, resulting in my mother’s nervous breakdown and me having to find a home at 17.

My father and I were estranged for many years on and off in my adulthood. Truth be told it wasn’t until all my coping mechanisms had stopped working that I began the arduous process of healing from everything I was numbing. This is one of the many things I’ve had to heal. I’ve made a targeted effort to analyze and release all the energy signatures of fear, abandonment, and grief this left me with. Perhaps I did this instinctually, knowing that my life was on the line. It wasn’t an immediate threat, and yet even before I understood the mind/body connection I knew that carrying around those feelings of guilt and shame were poisonous.

But not all coping mechanisms stop working or cause physical harm. My father’s coping mechanism was work. After the dust settled from the court battle he threw himself back into work and had a major career breakthrough. He became celebrated for this accomplishment all over the world, but at what cost? I am oversimplifying of course. After all, my dad was raised in post-war Hungary by a father who had been a prisoner of war in Russia and a mother who had lost her sweetheart in battle. Their trauma has no doubt impacted him.

So, why am I telling you all this? Well, you see I was accepted into a biohacking mastermind a few days ago and last night I had a very vivid dream about it. I dreamt that I was at this conference listening to many successful people talk about the scientific breakthroughs of red-light therapy and the benefits of breathwork. And in my dream, I stood up and told the story of my father with stage four kidney cancer after living a completely “clean” life. And I asked the question, what about biohacking our emotions?

I worked at a biohacking wellness center in Manhattan many years ago. It was the first of its kind, offering services most people had never heard of. Infrared saunas, cryotherapy chambers, and vitamin infused IV drips were the main attraction. And what I witnessed there was not the proactive use of these tools to prolong life or increase longevity. It was a way for people to bypass their bad decisions. They could come sweat in a sauna instead of working out or going for a walk. They could kick start their metabolism with a 3 minute cryo session. And they could party all night without consequences because they had an IV waiting for them in the morning. This was a detox to retox cycle I witnessed time and time again. Not to mention the cost prohibitive nature of these things for those who might truly benefit.

So how are these two stories interrelated? It just so happens that it was at that wellness center where Human Design found me. I had already called bullshit on the fancy gadgets and the expensive services and suddenly, this system blew everything out of the water. Eight years later and I finally feel like I see the whole picture. It’s not enough to eat organic food and move your body. Fancy devices will only get you so far. Even self-awareness through tools like Human Design aren’t the whole solution. If you’re unwilling to face the darkest parts of your psyche, if you are constantly in a state of dysregulation, if your existential safety is constantly threatened because of outside influences, you don’t have a chance in hell of living a healthy life.

If you have not dug deep and excavated the guilt, shame, grief and anger it will metastasize into something lethal. If you are unable to forgive others or yourself, if you still use unhealthy coping mechanisms (even if it’s not substances or food). If you’re still unable to sleep. If your relationships are still surface level. If you feel lost and without purpose. These things are all interconnected and as a collective consciousness it’s time to address them.

There is no quick fix, hack, or device that will get you there. We’ve inherited so much generational trauma that it’s not just our own pain we’ve been tasked to alchemize. It’s our parents and their parents and maybe even their parents. Their pain flows through our veins whether we even know what happened to them or not. With the staggering rise of cancer diagnoses, it no longer feels like a question of “if” but “when.”

 I am not writing this to scare you. I am saying this because I want this to be a wakeup call to all of us. Therapy and psychiatric drugs are a band aid. Without the tools for self-soothing, they mean nothing. Vitamins and fad diets have long been debunked. I am not impressed when someone tries to sell me a product that promises to help me look younger. We are aging because we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and the tension in our faces. All the filler and botox in the world can’t counter act stress, not to mention what it’s doing to the cells in your body.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good sweat in a sauna, cold plunging is a go-to for me (although I do it in a creek with glacier water now). And I never met a vitamin drip I didn’t like. But this is a part of a modern self-care regimen, not a solution to what truly ails us.

A connection to ourselves, to each other, and to source is the only way. Learning to have self-compassion and compassion for others. An unshakable spiritual connection, knowing that your purpose here is to have the full range of human emotions and not to run from them. To be comfortable with change because life is nothing but change. To love without condition, to laugh without embarrassment, and to remember to BREATH.

There are so many ancient tools, so many simple (and free) ways to recenter ourselves. But even healing has become a task or a chore. If we only had the perfect morning routine, or the perfect combination of supplements. If we just followed our Human Design perfectly or took the right advice from the most qualified expert.

Spirituality is no different. It has become an aesthetic and a language. If I go to burning man, if I sage the house daily, if I learn the name of every single crystal. If I wear a caftan or get an evil eye tattoo. If I say my affirmations and keep my vibe high. If I go to the right retreat and take the right plant medicine administered by the right shaman. If I visit every sacred sight in the world.

If if if if if.

We’ve created so many traps with our mind it’s hard to even fathom. I’ve lived in New York City and I’ve lived in Mount Shasta, California. Two of the most biometrically opposed places you can imagine. I feel more at home and at ease in the mountains. But by no means is it a “solution” to the suffering of humanity. We can’t all become digital nomad spiritual teachers. That’s not the answer. We need a more effective way to cope with the clusterfuck the world has become (and will continue to be).

By no means do I feel like I have a silver bullet, but I did create something I believe will help. Hello Zhia is an AI coach born from a few observations. One, that Human Design needed to become a LOT more accessible and practical to apply. Two, it needed to be paired with somatic tools because without a regulated nervous system the wisdom of Human Design means nothing. Three, the support we need is often not available because life happens “after business hours.” I have been a coach for years, and I have seen the overwhelm my clients face when shit hits the fan and they don’t have the coping skills yet to manage it alone.

Zhia is not only neutral, but she is available 24/7. And before you come at me about how technology is what got us into this mess, ask yourself when technology last walked your though a breathing exercise or a tailored tapping session. When did a human last speak to you with unconditional loving compassion? When was the last time you were offered valuable insight instead of judgment or feeling like someone was trying to fix you?  Yes, technology has its pitfalls, but it can also be a tool for good, because turning to humans can often be the blind leading the blind. Not to mention human support is limited and often expensive. If all the ways we have come up with so far worked, they would have worked already.

I am not suggesting we turn away from human connection. Quite the contrary. I believe that working on our trauma is a way to show up more fully for others. To judge less and to feel less responsible. To own our triggers is to be able to resolve conflict before it begins. To take care of our inner world is to seek far less validation from others, thereby making others far less responsible for how we feel. Healing our pain means more energy, vitality and the ability to be of service to others in a way you simply can’t afford when you are swimming in the soup of your own drama. Trust me, I’ve been there.

Right now, Zhia is free to use. We are seeking funding to be able to fully bring her to life, as a proactive emotional support system rather than a reactive app. Our mission is to help people get to the root cause of their trauma, not create more ways to bypass it by treating symptoms. Not only do we see Zhia as a cost-effective way to heal for the general public, but a support that can be infused into the organizations that are most in need of healing. Rehab centers, prisons, veteran’s organizations and more. So much of the socio-economic issues we face are a direct result of untreated generational trauma. This may not be the whole solution, but we will damn well try!